Navigating the conversational currents of a budding romance can feel like sailing uncharted waters. Among the trickiest of tides is the infamous question: “What do you want?”. It’s a question loaded with potential, vulnerability, and the unspoken pressure to say the “right” thing.
So, what do you say? The answer, as you might suspect, isn’t a one-size-fits-all solution. It depends on the context of your relationship, your personality, and, most importantly, what you genuinely want. Let’s explore how to navigate this crucial moment with authenticity and finesse.
Understanding the Question Behind the Question
Before diving into specific answers, it’s crucial to decipher what she might be really asking. “What do you want?” can be a multifaceted inquiry, probing different layers of your intentions and desires.
Testing the Waters: Gauging Your Intentions
Often, this question serves as a test. She’s trying to understand your intentions within the relationship. Are you looking for something casual, a long-term commitment, or simply enjoying the present moment? Your answer will reveal your perspective and allow her to assess whether your desires align with hers. Honesty, in this case, is paramount, even if it involves some vulnerability. Avoiding the question, or providing evasive answers, can raise red flags.
Seeking Reassurance: Understanding Your Needs
She might be seeking reassurance that you’re invested in the relationship and considerate of her needs. She wants to know if you value her time, her emotions, and her presence in your life. This is a chance to show her that you appreciate her and that you’re not simply taking her for granted. It’s an opportunity to express your gratitude for her involvement in your life and demonstrate that you’re mindful of her feelings.
Initiating a Deeper Conversation: Exploring the Future
The question could also be a subtle invitation to discuss the future of your relationship. She might be curious about your long-term goals, your vision for a potential partnership, and how she fits into that picture. This isn’t necessarily a commitment request, but rather a desire to understand if you’re on a similar trajectory. Sharing your aspirations and listening to hers can foster a deeper connection.
Crafting Your Response: Authenticity and Clarity
The key to answering this question effectively lies in authenticity and clarity. Avoid generic responses or trying to say what you think she wants to hear. Instead, focus on expressing your genuine desires in a way that is respectful and considerate.
The Honest Approach: Expressing Your True Feelings
Honesty is always the best policy, even if it’s challenging. If you’re looking for something casual, be upfront about it. If you’re hoping for a deeper connection, express that too. The risk of potential rejection is far outweighed by the benefits of building a relationship based on truth. For example, you might say, “I’m really enjoying getting to know you and I’m interested in seeing where this goes. I’m looking for something meaningful, and I appreciate your company a lot.”
The Present Moment Focus: Appreciating the Now
If you’re not ready to define the future, it’s perfectly acceptable to express your appreciation for the present moment. Emphasize how much you enjoy spending time with her and that you’re focusing on building a strong connection in the here and now. This approach conveys that you value her company without making any premature commitments. Try something like: “Right now, I really enjoy spending time with you. I appreciate your sense of humor and our conversations. I’m focusing on getting to know you better and enjoying the journey.”
The Desire for Growth: Acknowledging Ambitions Together
Perhaps you have shared ambitions. Speaking to a potential future together can also show you are interested in growing alongside her. This demonstrates that you value her presence, and are willing to consider her in your future plans. “I want us to grow together. I value your ambition and perspectives, and I want to support you in achieving your goals as you do the same for me.”
The Lighthearted Response: When Appropriate
In some situations, a lighthearted response can diffuse the tension and add a playful element to the conversation. However, this approach should be used cautiously and only when you’re confident that she’ll understand your intention. A playful answer should still be honest and avoid dismissing her question entirely. An example of this could be “I want to see that amazing smile of yours again!” This works if you have seen the smile previously and genuinely appreciate it.
Practical Examples: What To Say In Different Scenarios
Let’s consider some practical examples of how you might respond to the question “What do you want?” in different scenarios:
- Early Stages of Dating: “I’m enjoying getting to know you and I’m looking forward to seeing where this goes. I value your company and our conversations.”
- Casual Relationship: “I’m having a great time spending time with you. I’m not looking for anything serious right now, but I appreciate your company.”
- Serious Relationship: “I want to build a strong and lasting relationship with you. I value your love, your support, and your presence in my life.”
- Unsure of Your Feelings: “I’m still figuring things out, but I know that I enjoy spending time with you. I need a little more time to understand my feelings.”
- A Simple and Honest Approach: “I want your honesty as I will give you mine.”
The Importance of Non-Verbal Communication
Your words are only part of the equation. Your non-verbal communication plays a crucial role in conveying your sincerity and confidence. Maintain eye contact, smile genuinely, and use open body language to show that you’re engaged and attentive. Avoid fidgeting, looking away, or crossing your arms, as these can convey nervousness or disinterest.
Your tone of voice is also important. Speak calmly and confidently, avoiding any hint of hesitation or defensiveness. Let your non-verbal cues reinforce your words and create a sense of trust and connection.
Handling Potential Challenges
Even with the best intentions, answering “What do you want?” can present certain challenges. Be prepared to address potential concerns and navigate difficult conversations with grace and understanding.
Addressing Disagreement: When Your Desires Don’t Align
If your desires don’t align with hers, it’s important to be honest and respectful. Acknowledge her feelings and explain your perspective without being dismissive or condescending. The goal is to have an open and honest conversation, even if it leads to the difficult decision to end the relationship. For instance, you could say “I understand that you’re looking for something different than I am right now. I respect your feelings, and I want to be honest with you about my own.”
Dealing with Pressure: When You Need More Time
If you’re feeling pressured to define the relationship before you’re ready, it’s okay to ask for more time. Explain that you need time to process your feelings and that you don’t want to rush into anything. Assure her that you value her and that you’re taking the relationship seriously. “I need a little more time to figure out what I want, but I want to assure you that I value your presence in my life.”
Navigating Vulnerability: Sharing Your Fears and Insecurities
Being vulnerable can be scary, but it’s essential for building a deeper connection. Don’t be afraid to share your fears and insecurities, but do so in a way that is honest and self-aware. This demonstrates that you trust her and that you’re willing to be open and honest about your emotions.
Following Up: Demonstrating Consistency
Your answer to “What do you want?” isn’t a one-time event. It’s a starting point for ongoing communication and a demonstration of consistency. Your actions should align with your words, showing that you’re genuine and committed to building a strong and healthy relationship. Continue to communicate openly and honestly, and be sure to listen to her needs and concerns.
Demonstrate that you have listened to her ambitions and desires, and are prepared to support her in achieving them. Your interest and encouragement will further solidify the bond between you.
Ultimately, answering “What do you want?” is an opportunity to deepen your connection, build trust, and create a relationship based on honesty and mutual respect. By being authentic, clear, and considerate, you can navigate this challenging question with grace and confidence.
What’s the biggest mistake guys make when answering “What do you want?”
The biggest mistake is often focusing solely on physical attraction or providing a generic, uninspired answer. Saying something like “I want you” without any context can come across as shallow and lacking genuine interest in her as a person. Similarly, a vague response like “happiness” is too broad and doesn’t offer any insight into what you value or how she fits into your vision.
Instead, consider answering with something that showcases your values, aspirations, and what you appreciate about her specifically. This demonstrates that you’ve thought about what you desire in a partner and that you see her as someone special who aligns with those desires. Think about the qualities that draw you to her – is it her intelligence, her humor, her kindness? Articulate these things clearly and honestly.
How important is being honest when answering this question?
Honesty is paramount. Giving an answer you think she wants to hear, rather than one that’s true to your feelings, will ultimately lead to a disconnect and potential disappointment. Pretending to want something you don’t will create a false foundation for the relationship, and it’s only a matter of time before the cracks begin to show.
Authenticity breeds trust and allows for a deeper connection. While it’s important to be tactful and considerate, avoiding genuine expression out of fear of rejection can prevent you from finding someone truly compatible. Your answer doesn’t need to be profound, but it should be truthful and reflect your genuine desires and intentions.
What if I don’t know what I want in a relationship?
It’s perfectly acceptable to admit that you’re still figuring things out. Honesty is always the best policy, even if it means acknowledging your uncertainties. Acknowledge that you’re reflecting on your needs and desires but haven’t formulated them perfectly yet. You could say something like, “That’s a great question, and honestly, I’m still exploring what I truly want in a relationship.”
Follow up by mentioning things you *do* know you value, such as honesty, open communication, or shared interests. You can also express your interest in figuring it out together. This shows vulnerability and a willingness to grow, which can be very attractive qualities. Framing your response in this way presents you as self-aware and open to exploration, rather than indecisive or uncommitted.
Should I focus on short-term or long-term desires?
The appropriate focus depends on the context of the relationship and your personal intentions. If you’re looking for something casual, it’s fine to express short-term desires, like enjoying each other’s company and having fun. However, be upfront about your intentions to avoid any misunderstandings or hurt feelings down the line. Clarity is crucial in ensuring everyone is on the same page.
If you’re interested in a long-term commitment, it’s important to share desires that reflect your vision for the future. This might include talking about shared values, life goals, or the kind of relationship you envision building together. Balancing both short-term and long-term desires can provide a well-rounded picture of your intentions and demonstrate that you’re thinking beyond immediate gratification.
How can I make my answer more personal and less generic?
The key to making your answer personal is to reference specific qualities or experiences you’ve shared with her. Instead of saying “I want happiness,” you could say “I want to continue sharing laughter and adventures with you because you bring so much joy into my life.” This shows that you’re paying attention to her and appreciate her unique contributions to your relationship.
Think about what makes her different from other people and what you admire about her. Tailor your answer to reflect those observations. Referencing specific memories or inside jokes can also add a touch of intimacy and demonstrate that you value your shared experiences. The more personal you make your response, the more meaningful it will be to her.
What if her expectations are different from what I want?
Open and honest communication is crucial in navigating mismatched expectations. If her desires clearly diverge from your own, it’s important to address the discrepancy directly, but with empathy and respect. Avoiding the issue will only lead to resentment and potential heartbreak down the road. Acknowledge her desires and then articulate your own honestly and clearly.
Be prepared to discuss potential compromises or, if necessary, accept that you may not be compatible in the long run. It’s better to be honest and upfront about your differing needs than to pretend to be someone you’re not. Ultimately, seeking a partner whose desires align with yours will lead to a more fulfilling and sustainable relationship.
What are some examples of good answers to “What do you want?”
One good answer could be, “I want someone who challenges me to grow and see the world in new ways, and I appreciate how you always bring a fresh perspective to our conversations.” This highlights your desire for personal growth and acknowledges her intellectual contributions to the relationship. It’s specific and shows you value her mind.
Another example is, “I want a partner who is supportive and understanding, and I really value how you’re always there for me, even when things get tough.” This emphasizes the importance of emotional support and expresses gratitude for her compassion. Remember to tailor these examples to reflect your own genuine feelings and specific observations about the girl you’re speaking with.